Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
