he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
