I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
