Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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