Yo dont text me then not text me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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