I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
