Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
