Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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