FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
