fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
