so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ladies don't puke and tell
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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