So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
