My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
