My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
