none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
