I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
