I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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