By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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