Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
