i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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