I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
