Don't make out with my wife yet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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