Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
