just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
