I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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