ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
