you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
