Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
