Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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