It was confusing and full of hummus
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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