i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
