What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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