I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
