my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
