You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
