i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
