we have officially lost it.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
