Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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