He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
