This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
