I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
