Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
