Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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