he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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