I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have fence marks all over my body
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
