A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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