you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
