i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
