let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
