wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
