Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
