Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
