Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
